I did not post for the past few days is because mainly of 2 reasons:-

1. I was super tired practicing for the Euphonious Prelim this Saturday….

2. I was really busy grooming my desktop..

I had sang for an average of 2 straight hours everyday for the past few days, believe me it was no easy task for me. If my throat can speak by itself it probably would tell me to give it a rest. But hey, I will not rest until it is over. To the people who read this, won’ you be a dear and wish me and my friends luck…

I am also busy beautifying my desktop, I spent hours and hours try to find ways to make my pc’s desktop look awesome and suit my personality. After hours of google searching, gadget trying this is what I get…

pretty, slick right?

Talking To The Moon

I know you’re somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think I’m crazy
But they don’t understand
You’re all I have
You’re all I have

At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you’re on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I’m feeling like I’m famous
The talk of the town
They say
I’ve gone mad
Yeah, I’ve gone mad
But they don’t know what I know
Cause when the sun goes down
someone’s talking back
Yeah, They’re talking back

At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you’re on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

Ahh Ahh,
Ahh Ahh,

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night I’m talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you
In hopes you’re on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I know you’re somewhere out there
Somewhere far away

I have a well known habit among my friends, where if a found a new song that i like, i would play it through my loud ass speaker until I get bored of it. just ask my housemates, they will surely confirm to this.

But recently, I just got to know of a very beautiful song, “talking to the moon” by none other than Bruno Mars. The fact that this song is by him should give you a clear indicator of how great the song is, and frankly I’m very surprised that this song is not a single.

I played this song for a whole day and still I can’t get enough of it. You know the feeling you get when you feel a song is totally about you, well I guess for me it’s this song. If you listen carefully you can actually fell the sadness and agony in his voice through out this song. This song really portrays the loneliness in my heart.

I’ve been dwelling for along time about what song should be my life anthem, and the clear winner is this song…

P/s: I really hope that my anthem will change into something more happier in the future…

I really like to write, but sometimes there is just nothing to write about. And I really like to write here, as i know that no one other than me is reading it. It is kind of like a diary, but with public access. I can freely write about anything. I can write about how I feel without any constraints. Maybe there is an upside of being lonely. nah…. there is no upside at all in being lonely.

I like to think this tumblr is a memento for me. ten years from now, i shall look back at all these post and reminisce about old times. And if my children would like to know about their old man (provided that i will have any children), i will just point out to this tumblr.

p/s: for the future me… I really hope you had find someone to call your own by now, i sincerely do..

anyone know what a broken heart is? I know it. Because i have a broken heart.

When I see some of my friends break up for stupid reasons, I wonder, why can’t I have a girlfriend. If I have girlfriend I will take care of her better than myself.

Once a girl I kind of like, asked me, what is the feeling of not having a girlfriend since the day i was born? As i just about to give an answer, her following question just left me dumbfounded.

“isn’t it lonely?”

Yes, it felt really lonely, really, really lonely….

Want to know why my heart is broken? it is because I’ve been rejected three times. The manner in which I’ve been rejected is not cruel or mean. This may sound like that I’m exaggerating when I say my heart broken but the rejection really did it. It makes me scared to try again. It makes me to never invest emotionally in anyone (except my family).

That’s why when I heard that my friend broke up just because his ex is “overly caring” it breaks my heart. I mean how can someone be overly caring? She is caring because she loves you, for god sakes, the least you can do as a human being is appreciate her, not break up with her.

Why i wrote this sappy, touchy entry like this? I don’t know.  Maybe deep down I’m a really romantic guy, waiting for the right girl and can never express my real feelings to anyone. Maybe it’s because that I know that no one will read my tumblr and my feelings will just be feelings. I like to think that it’s both….

Hmmmm…… its been too long since my last post.  And when I say too long, believe me, it’s an understatement.  Just look at my last post date, 28 September 2010. A lot had happen since then. Some are good, some are not too good, while others is just plain sad….

If you’re asking why I am not consistent on writing on this site, although I am quite sure that nobody is, one simple answer comes to my mind and that is lack of drive. I have no drive at all to keep me posting on this site..

But speaking about drive, I have a drive for my life once, My Dad. He passed away last year, about 2 weeks before my final exam. The date that I shall remember for the rest of my life, 26 November 2010. My dad was everything to me and still is. My idol, my leader, my shoulder to lean on and the most important thing is, he is my father.

I can still remember his voice, calling me asking to me to call  my mom because she is worried about me. And the most amusing part is at the very beginning of each call, he would ask me the same question, “Abang dah ade awek belom?,”. I used to hate that question, not that I’m gay, just that i just don’t know how to get an “awek”. But now, I give anything just to hear that question again from him.

I hate to recall the occurrence of that night because it is such a bad memory, hell, it’s the worst memory. Any bad things happened, you can at least wish to forget them, but this, I just can’t bring myself just to attempt to forget it.

After my dad was gone, I was lost actually. I was sad, but where can I lean on. Not my mother, she was too fragile, if i lean on her, then where will she lean to. Not my elder sisters,  I was the first born son, I need to be their leader, no, I ‘have’ to be their leader. And after a while, it hits me, I can not lean on anyone after this, because I have to be the place for my family to lean on. This is MY family now and I can’t be weak for their sake. It’s my time to carry my dad’s duty….

Since then, i had put on my ‘strong can not cry for a damn shit’ face, and i really don’t know when can I really take it off. Not now especially and maybe not ever….

How can someone with so many people around them be so lonely? Why that person has to be me? Why do I even write this post? No one will ever read it. So what is this?  A cry for attention?  Maybe. But, a cry for who? Who would ever hear my cries? Who would even care?

So now, I’m just like a clown. Putting on one big fake smile, while others laughs.  No, not with me, but at me.  A clown’s heart is a mystery. Yes, people see the big smile, but what’s  happening inside, is another story.

So, the question remains, what is this all about? It’s nothing of course, nothing that anyone will care about. Nothing, just like the inside of my heart. Nothing, just like my existence. Nothing… just like me..

lama dah aku tinggalkan tumblr aku ni naik berhabuk dah…. ya aku kini kembali aktif dengan tumblr aku, stelah lebih 3 minggu beraya, berevent dan macam-macam ber lagi, akhirnya kerja aku tinggal lagi sikit je…

assignment pun berada di bawah kawalan, event pun dah nak habis (yahoo!!), kebab pun dah makin kurang kena jual, jadi aku isytiharkan diri aku kembali kepada sedia kala. haha…

jadi sempena perasmian semula tumblr aku, aku sertakan disini gambar aku yang cukup menarik…

Fuh..

To celebrate my personal independence from such a hellish week,(yes, when I say hellish it means hell like) i will create my long delayed tumblr post in English. Why? well just for the fun of it..

It’s been the most tiresome, gruesome week of my life, period. Even a week at OBS can not surpass the mere madness of the week i just had. I had gone through three test for the last three days (don’t ask how i did those tests), I have two assignments to be submitted, which I had been delaying for the past two weeks (my bad) and one very long lab report, which I have not done yet. To top it all off, I’m very busy with my Promotion and Publication department in YOUTH FIESTA, I have a kick-off night of UCITY and a Charity programme also with UCITY. Not forgetting that i still have to sell 15 kebabs one night before my test.

Yes, I’ve done all that in one week, and for your entertainment, it is still not over. Youth Fiesta is still on the way (means that more work for me, yea! ), my dear beloved lecturers just give two separate, long assignments (I mean it, it is very long) for my holidays (again another cynical yea!), I have three more test to be done (yea!), and one of them is right after the holidays. UCITY comwell department (that’s me) is incharge of the Family Day (yea!), and guess what, I still have to sell more kebabs (one last big cynical YEA! YEA! YEA!)

But… just let’s forget that  for a while shall we. This mountain of work still can not diminish my spirit of HARI RAYA. Yes, the favourite Malaysians festival. I’m talking about fire crackers, ketupat, duit raya, family gathering, there is so many things that i like about this particular festival that if I am going to write all of it, you will not be reading this post as I am still writing it (that’s hyperbole for you).

For those of you who is wandering, I am still at UTP. Why? Why am I still at UTP? although almost all of UTPians is at home or on the way home. Well, this question should be ask to one of my dearest friend, Mohd Zulkifly or famously known as JAWE. He is the only reason why I am still at UTP. Jawe and me will head to our dearest home town, The Great Batu Pahat of couse, today at 4.00 pm. So, for my beloved family, please wait for your prodigal son to return, for my cats, meow, meow meow meow meow (yes, I am talking in cat language).

Finally, for those of you who read my post….

(yes, i know it’s pink, just deal with it…)